Barmy Battleships

Barmy Battleships is a postal version of Battleships for all readers of a games zine.

These rules are based on those published in Neil Duncan's The Cunning Plan, 1992

The Play

  1. All subscribers to, and regular recipients mentioned in the zine are in the game whether they like it or not.
  2. The board is a grid of 19 by 19 squares. These are lettered along the top (the x axis) and numbered down the side (the y axis).
  3. Each player has a single 4 square battleship placed somewhere at random on the board. They can be vertical, horizontal or diagonal. Battleships can be next to each other but they cannot overlap.
  4. Each turn a player gives the x and y co-ordinates of two shots. A hit scores one point. If more than one player 'hits' the same square at the same time, the point is shared equally between them.
  5. Shots landing on an empty square, or a square that has already been hit is deemed a 'miss'.
  6. Players may only fire until their own battleship is sunk, i.e., hit on all 4 squares.
  7. The winner is the player with the highest score.
  8. If a player hits his own ship it counts as a 'miss'. Players may ask the GM to e-mail them their ship's position.
  9. Diplomacy between players is allowed.
  10. Press is positively encouraged.
  11. After the first turn players who NMR will suffer a one 'hit' penalty per turn until out. If an NMRing player is 'hit', the penalty is waived for that turn.

Sample Orders

Fred Bloggs G13, K19 One more shot and John Smith's rust bucket goes down!

Sample Turn Report

NameCo-ordResultScoreOwn Status
Fred Bloggs G13, K19 hit John Smith, miss 3.5 1 hit
John Smith S13, G11 miss, miss 1.33 3 hits
Annette Curtain M20, C5 hit/sunk Donny Trump, miss 2.25 no hits
Donny Trump T12, T13 miss, miss 0.5 sunk!


Fred Bloggs: "One more shot and John Smith's rust bucket does down!"
John Smith: "C'mon Freddie me old mucker, can't we kiss and make up?"
Annette Curtain: "Sorry Donny, it's sea-dog eat sea-dog in this game, and time for someone else to win!"
Donny Trump: "Blast!"